He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
