hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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