You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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