Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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