I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
