ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
