Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
