At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
