tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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