You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
