I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
