My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
found the other keg... it's in the tree
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
