..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
