Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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