Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wish there were birth control emojis
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dicks are not precious.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
