New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
