i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
