I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
