mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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