AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
