Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
