Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
