i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
