White coat. Heels.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
