Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
