I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
