last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
