K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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