you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
