He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
