i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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