Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize