You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
