"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the day after is always just damage control
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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