Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
