im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
