i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
as a side note pls kill me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
