we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
