I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
