Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
