His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
