the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
be right there i have to get my cape
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
