peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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