the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
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