In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
