My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
nutella sex= disaster
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
As shirtless as possible
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
