I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
