Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
