Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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