Sry I called you an 8
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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