I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize