it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
