guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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