What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
