I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I checked into jail on foursquare
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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