Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
