he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
