not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
