I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
