Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
