oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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