dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
