btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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