People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
